I Can’t; I’m on Punishment!
Image of post-it notes with actions by Karolina Grabowska
Y’all. It’s raggedy. There are apparently millions who chose door number two and are pleased with their decision. There are others, by which I rode in the Uber with that are disappointed - and not just a little. Deeply disturbed with the decision to turn back the hands of time for some milk and eggs, alledgedly. Last Tuesday I woke in the words of Van Jones with the hope of a dream, all to watch it unfold into a nightmare before the clock struck 12. Since that time, I’ve navigated each stage of grief. In the words of Daryl Coley, I’ve waited to see “When Sunday Comes,” to see if I felt better. And as God does, my collective presence and proximity with other believers did my heart good. I worshipped in community and created space in my heart to hold onto hope yet again. Am I still sadenned? Absolutely; and I also received confirmation that perhaps time has been granted to seek the face of God and look for His will to be performed. This isn’t the first time that disappointment has darkened my doorstep or the facade that the enemy will prevail. Spoiler Alert: he won’t. And while God is being God, I have a beautiful invitation to be the child of His that I’m called to be or become.
As I wrote on a scholar’s social media site, I’m agreeing with the call to Black women to bring your clothesline for double dutch, your mama’s change for some penny candy and your wildest imagination for every game and fantasy we can evoke. Let’s intentionally choose to go to our rooms and “think about what we did!” Notice the emphasis on what “we did” and not what someone else has tried or is still trying. Cause if it one thing that I know without question about Black women is that we rarely stand still long enough for the grass to grow beneath our feet. We assume responsibilty and ownership cause if not, no one will. We experience heartbreak and cut our hair in the fiercest style imaginable. We engage ministry to sooth the souls of the broken, we we are hemmoraghing. But what would happen if we went upstairs like the girl on Family Matters? What might we birth? A new way of taking care of ourselves? Undiscovered territory of joy? Unsquelched energy for enaging the things that we didn’t even know would make us happy? New recipies or just plain ole silence? Isaiah 30:15-17 in the Message affirms, “God, the Master, The Holy of Israel, has this solemn counsel: “Your salvation requires you to turn back to me and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves. Your strength will come from settling down in complete dependence on me — The very thing you’ve been unwilling to do." We stay so busy upholding the world that we negate the fact the the earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof, the world and they that dwell therein (Psalm 24:1). So….I’m dwelling in some punishment to obtain the strength that is promised.
Strength for myself, my family, my friends, my community and my ministry rooted in complete and undeniable dependence upon God and no one else. While God is the orchestrator of surprise for us, nothing has or ever will catch him without notice. He never sleeps nor slumbers (Psalm 121:4). What shall we say to these things happening around and perceiveably to us? I would suggest that we memorize Romans 8:31, “If God be for us, who can be against us?” May we spend our days finding new and innovative ways to perfect the gifts He’s granted to us. May we rest in His presence. May we find ways to make Him greater in the earth. May we proclaim His goodness. May we share testimonies of His deep love for us and May we depend on Him. May we be like the rabbit and be pleased in the briar patch. Let’s welcome this respite of self punishment knowing that it will work for our good. And if it’s not good, God is not finished!