Mismatched Expectation
I get tickled each time I see children walking with their shoes on the wrong foot. Since their feet aren’t fully developed, it’s easy for the shoes to fit (albeit wrong) in a way that causes little disruption to the children’s actions, including walking, running, as well as a tendency to resist someone’s acknowledgement of the problem. This small yet familiar analogy was all good until God gently reminded me that I occasionally behave in a similar manner; attempting my best to make something work all on my own, defiant against instruction or assistance, which is readily available to me from Him, from His Word, from those He’s deliberately placed in my life. I would suggest choosing the challenging path of “going rogue” isn’t always my first thought, but likely a pattern I’ve assumed - trying not to overwhelm anyone else with my “sizing issue” or coming to expect that others may not have the capacity to show up for me, in the way that I show up for them. While on this reflective path, the Holy Spirit further reminded me that just like a child, I don’t ask. I trollop through life, navigating a mismatched set of challenging circumstances, doing my best to make it work, unaware of what is available to me if I just stop.
What gets in the way of asking for help? What stops us from leaning into our craftily curated community in hardness? What prevents us from slowing down, long enough to attempt to course correct the reality that we are walking in a hampered state? I am presently navigating a “my shoes are clearly on the wrong foot” situation. But this time, I spoke up and initially, the silence was deafening; slowly the voices and extensions of help arrived, yet there were absent at the onset - that initial stress call went unanswered and so I set out on my own, trying to do life per usual with my “shoes on the wrong foot.” No one seemed to connect with the enormity of what I shared. It certainly wasn’t new - but it was new to me and I would have gladly welcomed direction, assurance, prayer, an embrace - all of which I readily offer. Transparently speaking, I began to harden.
While the Word instructs us to endure hardness as a good soldier, soldiers are unable to function when their boots are mismatched. Soldiers also don’t look to each other for instruction on what next to do. They look to their commanding officer. While I was surveying my “platoon,” sending text and video messages to describe my plight, my commanding officer was available to me and ready to walk me through without hesitation. Psalm 119: 29-32 offers the human acknowledgement of walking with shoes on the wrong foot until we acknowledge the sovereignty of God:
“I’m feeling terrible—I couldn’t feel worse!
Get me on my feet again. You promised, remember?
When I told my story, you responded;
train me well in your deep wisdom.
Help me understand these things inside and out
so I can ponder your miracle-wonders.
My sad life’s dilapidated, a falling-down barn;
build me up again by your Word.
Barricade the road that goes Nowhere;
grace me with your clear revelation.
I choose the true road to Somewhere,
I post your road signs at every curve and corner.
I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me;
God, don’t let me down!
I’ll run the course you lay out for me
if you’ll just show me how.
God is available to “show us how.” In my distress, I certainly called out to God, but I also kept moving, knowing well that I would eventually, and not in the too distant future stumble. We can only travel so far in mismatched shoes. When God began to remind me that what takes me by surprise does not do the same for Him, I could feel the release ensuing. God went on to affirm that He specializes in what appears hopeless. He reminded me that although my church community expected miracles during the month of March, He was not limited to a calendar month. Bit by bit, God “right-sized” my shoes and placed me in position to “run the course He’s laid out for me” with His guidance.
Each time I assume I’ve got this God thing down, I’m reminded that without God, I don’t. While I have beautiful people in my life, my expectations in them are unmatched in comparison to the One who knows, heals, comforts, creates and remains. Expecting others to show up for me is okay but pales in comparison to how God will always show up. My community manages their own mismatched realities, while God is the author and finisher of our faith. He is unbothered by what bothers us. Contrary to what we believe, we are His children and we are not fully developed. We can take great peace in knowing He is there to help us to right fit all that ails us….if we only allow.