Because I’m Good!
Photo by Lesli Whitecotton on Unsplash
It’s March Madness! I’m always grateful for something shifting in my calendar which allows me space to post up in my favorite recliner and watch college basketball. This year, unfortunately, my undergraduate team, Southern Illinois University is not a part of the dance. For whatever reason, I was catapulted back to Carbondale and reflecting upon my freshman year of college when I tried out to be a Saluki Shaker, the dance squad that performed at the athletic competitions. There were many problematic concerns. I’d danced all through high school; in fact I was captain of our pom pon squad. I could choreograph pieces with my eyes closed and I had the stamina to perform with precision and athleticism. I had a small frame, but according to the scale that was being used, and not culturally sound, I was considered overweight. A friend who was an upperclass student and currently on the squad told me to eat crackers and drink water to loose the weight. I did. I practiced the choreography. I lost the weight. I nailed the dances. The only thing. that stood in between me and the shiny pom pons was the interview. I’d grown up on the south side of Chicago, with teachers and neighbors who’d instilled a strong sense of pride within me. When asked during the interview why I believed I should be a Saluki Shaker, I responded, “Because I’m good.” Welp. Apparently, that wasn’t what I was supposed to say. When I shared that with my friend, she said, “Did you really say that?” Suddenly my pom pons from high school would have to do. I was not selected to be a Saluki Shaker. For weeks I was disappointed. However, over 35 years later, I realized that it wasn’t my response, but instead the inability for those on the receiving end to accept it. It was an early, yet powerful lesson.
We can certainly have confidence - in fact, we should and even must; however, we must concurrently accept that not everyone will be pleased with our positionality. Occasionally, they may even hold some perceived power to stop your “goodness,” but be not dismayed, God is not mocked. I don’t know what kind of vices may have emerged from my affiliation with a team by which I had to alter my appearance to be a member. I have no idea as to what else I may have had to sacrifice and the extent to which crackers and water may have become my portion in order to maintain weight, neglecting the traditional transitioning of my body.
At the end of each game, there emerges one winner to advance and another to question how “good” they actually were. If I had the opportunity to share with them, I would encourage them to hold on to their confidence and sweeten it a bit with Hebrews 13:6 which reads, "So we can say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can anyone do to me?” In any given situation, you may not be selected to move forward - at least in that particular instance - but fear not! When the appointed time presents, God will do what God does best, usher you into what He’s deemed for you.
While at SIU, I danced with the Black Fire Dancers and the Southern Illinois Reparatory Dance Theatre, but my most impacted dancing, hands down has been that associated with my church, where my concern of “weight” has not been my proportions, but instead what I release to God through movement as I “wait” on Him to move.
To those “not advancing” like me years ago, please don’t question your goodness or someone else’s rejection of it. You have nothing to hang your head about. Continue to persist and know that no matter what it feels like, this is not the end. In fact, it’s a chapter in a really beautiful story….and it’s good.