If it weren’t for the grace of God, I would loose my mind. Amidst a pandemic, civil unrest in response to systemic and systematic racism, and less than 24 hours ago, an earthquake, I feel as though we are awaking to witness which one of the plagues we are to experience in a similar fashion to the daily special at the local eatery. But I’d be remised if I only referred to the events of 2020 that have impacted my mental wellness. Simply walking around in the melanin that I carry can harbor both challenge and disappointment. As my church completed a seven day prayer revival, I was reminded time and time again that the only way that I can present and operate in the conception of Black Girl Magic is in fact the exchange of the “g” which represents God; cause if not for the “g” I would perpetually exist in a manic state.

All the week long, I’ve had the song, “Communion” on repeat. In a world that so readily discards, we must be willing to return to the garden, the place where God so lovingly demonstrated His passion for us. First the Garden of Eden where we were created and after the fall, the Garden of Gethsemane where Jesus so often prayed, experienced the betrayal of Judus and petitioned God before electing to die on the cross for our sins. So many various aspects of my life are intersecting, resulting in me feeling stretched beyond belief. Certainly I know that the joy of the Lord is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10), but when we are navigating difficulty, navigating pain, navigating trauma, we feel at our wit’s end. A person doesn’t have to have a medical diagnosis regarding their mental wellness to experience bouts of manic. If you’ve experienced excitement, followed by sadness and are feeling a trajectory of ebbs and flows, you too might feel overwhelmed. In this state, I am reminded of 1 Peter 5:10, which reads, “And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” We are able to clear the hurdles of life when we enable God to guide our footsteps, hold our hand, comfort our tears, be our solace and cradle us in His arms of safety and peace.

I repeat, If it weren’t for the grace of God, I would loose my mind. I am grateful that in our communion with God, we are reminded that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), that we are the apple of His eye (Psalm 17:8), that we have an expected end (Jeremiah 29:11), that we are more than conquerors (Romans 8:37) and that we can do all things (not somethings) through Christ who strengthens us Philippians 4:13). When I feel at my lowest state, God still loves me, as He does you. No matter what we’ve done, and the extent to which we’ve not operated as though we are a child of the Most High God, He still calls us His own. He loves us in and out of our periods of weeping and rejoicing. He loves us in and out of our seasons of virtue and sin. He loves us in and out of our acknowledgement and denial of Him.

I love witnessing Black Girl Magic in the earth. There is an enormous sense of affirmation I experience when another sister wins – especially because without fulling knowing her story – I know her story, because I’ve lived aspects of it myself. I am reminded of the words to the song, “If it had not been, for the Lord on my side, where would I be? Where would I be?” At the end of last week, the Lord allowed me to experience a full circle moment. I traveled to move our daughter for work. I was reminded that I became pregnant with her as an unwed mother 26 years earlier, in that precise location. As I look back over all the tears, the press, the struggles, the pain, the disappointment until this moment in time, it was nobody but God that allowed me to make it – as He does you! Every single situation that I’ve experienced has taught me to lean and depend upon the one who makes all the difference. As my mother would say, “I love Him on today!” He has kept my mind – through it all, and for that, I am grateful and will praise Him as long as I have breath in my body. Daily, I worship thee, because it’s the “G” that makes all the difference in this manic world we call our temporary home.