He finally did it! Smack out of nowhere, he did what some around me may consider his best work to date. He shut my mouth! He, being God allowed a sinus infection to drain into my throat and snatched my voice. So, here I sit, watching The Voice, with no voice! I guess even God Almighty needs a break.
In my personal silence, I sit, reflecting upon the month of February, in particular, the weather which I accuse of my current situation. Its been thundering, lightening, cold, snowy, sleeting, raining and warm temperatures; and often each of those aforementioned changes occurring within the same week. Each of these barometric systems have impacted my sinus issues from one extreme to the next. I’ve written about my sinus issues before, but I’ve never lost my voice as a condition of the problem. Yet, as I consider my current situation, I think of how challenging I’ve been to God. Sigh.
I take him from one extreme to the next. One minute, its “Hallelujah Anyhow,” and the next, I’m like the children of Israel wandering in the wilderness asking, “Why did you bring me here to die?” And as we say in the South, “bless my heart” because its only February! I started off strong, and I stand still believing God, but he’s presented some really eccentric circumstances before me (in the presence of mine enemies) in these two short months of 2014. Like my sinus issues, I’ve been all over the map. One day high on his love, and the next, presenting him some kind of crazy in the atmosphere, causing others to spin out of control for the conditions I have created. One day wishing, hoping and praying for something (like snow) and when he grants my desire, complaining about the accoutrements that accompany it. Does God want me to “sat down?” Shade.
So, he shut me up! If you have the pleasure (or curse) of knowing me, you can appreciate how I must feel, not being able to communicate vocally. I love talking about as much as I love writing. Its a lonely place. And even when I find myself in a room full of others, not being able to express myself fully is difficult. Is this perhaps how God feels with me? Does he do everything he can to speak to me and I ignore him? Does he eventually just shut up, allowing me to enact the perceived control I assume? As I write furiously on paper, attempting to communicate my thoughts, I watch as the reader tries to decipher my fancy (or indescribable) handwriting. Do I spend as much time as I need to decipher God’s plans for my life in his Word? Selah.
God is always nigh. He said in his Word that he would never leave me nor forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6). Even in my perceived silence of God, I must seek his voice. Its not always audible. God is always speaking! He speaks through creation. He speaks through his Word. He speaks through his followers. He speaks through music. He speaks through dance. Just because I don’t “hear” his voice, doesn’t mean he is not communicating. Or better still, just because I don’t “hear” his voice saying what I expect, doesn’t mean he is not communicating and communicative to me. Surely.
When one looses her voice, she is told to drink plenty of fluids, in particular water. In the spiritual, I can assume plenty of Jesus, for out of him, shall flow rivers of living water (John 7:38). When I’m dealing with sinus issues, I can never get enough to drink. Yet with Jesus, we shall never thirst again! He has everything we need. Gargling with salt can provide some relief – just as we as believers can provide relief and a soothing presence as the salt of the earth (Matthew 5:13). Its recommended to hold one’s head over steam to open up the sinuses. On this journey, we are faced with some boiling situations; it may get hot sometimes, but our trials will burn away the elements of us that keep us from propelling into our destiny. Finally, when one looses her voice, she is recommended to rest. No matter what we are faced with, and even when we attempt to exert our control, we can always find rest in Jesus. Sweet!
Okay, God, but seriously, when will my voice return? Silence. In the interim, he has provided numerous methods to continue to give him glory. And, he continues to expect me to do his will. Can my faith be magnified in my silence? Can I profess my belief of him through my actions and not my words? Can I continue to give him glory while awaiting my change? I say yes. Or better still, I nod my head in agreement. Salute.