I awoke first to our beloved Diamond shaking herself. She does that to make just enough noise to wake those around her up. I responded, Diamond, go to sleep. It’s slightly after 3am. I traveled home yesterday from New Orleans and what a journey it was. It began at 6:45am and ended just short of 6:30pm. I couldn’t wait to go to bed, but I had dance rehearsal at church. Fast forward a few more hours and as I got in the bed at 11ish pm I felt relieved and prayed that Diamond wouldn’t decide she wanted attention from me before 7am. #Fail. After the third or fourth time of telling Diamond to go to sleep, she finally did, but I found myself awake. I asked God if He had something to tell me. What I got was clearly not from Him, so I turned over to the opposite side of the bed. I was determined to make up for lost time, similar to the pilot earlier when our fight departed later than planned. As I nestled my head in the pillow and breathed a sigh of relief, I heard God say, “That’s just how I Am. I give you rest. Like the pillow, I can contort to any situation. I support you. I can be molded according to your needs. I am warm and comforting to you, and as Stuart Scott would say, “I’m as cool as the other side of the pillow,” when situations you are presented with seem overwhelming. I prop you up to eat your favorite midnight snack, and I long to commune with you early in the morning, whispering to you words of my love through my Word and your prayers as you lie wishing not to depart but confident to know that I’ll be here after the world has it’s way.”I collect your tears. I remind you of your laughter throughout the day. I can decorate your life and be therapeutic concurrently. I can support the decisions your head makes, or make it super uncomfortable to align with your wrong. I can morph differently for each person that comes in contact with me.” #Whoa
Years ago as I navigated bone spurs in my back, I purchased two special pillows for me and my husband. The pillows could be configured to different shapes. I wouldn’t know they’d been switched by accident when making the bed until I found myself uncomfortable upon one that wasn’t designed with my needs in mind. Likened unto Jesus, He is the same yesterday, today and forevermore (Hebrews 13:7), but the way that manifests in our individual lives may present differently, because it is an individualized experience. As I laid in the bed, nearly now 4am, no longer hearing the sounds of Diamond vying for attention, I realized the deeper meaning of my “pillowing God” for this morning. It’s my birthday, and a bit of sorrow began to creep in as I considered some “unresolve.” The Holy Spirit led me to dig a bit deeper into pillow, directing me to the 28th chapter of Genesis, beginning with verse 10: “Jacob left Beersheba and set out for Harran. When he reached a certain place, he stopped for the night because the sun had set. Taking one of the stones there, he put it under his head and lay down to sleep.” Even as we rely upon God as being our “pillow” our place of refuge, our life and circumstances may be entangled with hardship, thus a few stones. Nevertheless, we don’t discard it. We don’t run away, or toss away in the bed. We remain, because what followed verse 11 gave the promise.
Through a dream, God spoke to Jacob with a message of assurance for he and his family, and generations to come. I take great assurance in it for myself and my 4am revelation. Verse 15 reads, “I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.” What I haven’t shared is that it’s my birthday! Praise God! And although so many things are wonderful and what I dreamt, others cause me imbalance, seeking the comfort of one’s pillow after a long and difficult day. Through it all, as long as this 49 year old mind has allowed me to consider, God has not left and has done (and is doing) exceedingly, abundantly, above all I can ask or think, and He’s not yet done! That declaration, that promise is the pillow talk that our Heavenly Father whispers to each of us and that is what enables us to lie down in sweet slumber. He’s got us! The words ring true as the preachers say, “As I come to my close,” I keep hearing the song we rehearsed tonight, “He’s a good, good father, it’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are,” and I’m loved by you, it’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am.” Happy Birthday to me.